he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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