Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
