my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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