He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
