he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Where is the hickey?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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