Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
