Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
