if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
