I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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