Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
