i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
