hell yes lets make some ravioli
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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