Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
