Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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