I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
