shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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