she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
