He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
