dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
