Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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