I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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