Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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