my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
