I wish I could teleport
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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