Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
