Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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