Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
