okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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