Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
