had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
