Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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