i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
