uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
