Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
