no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
