Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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