I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
