I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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