your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
