you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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