Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
