Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
