He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
