Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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