Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
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I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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