I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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