I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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