I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
