just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
vagina is talking i cant
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
