The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
