he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We had to coat check the pizza.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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