help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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