all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
