I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pooping to opera.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
