We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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