Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
