It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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