areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize