Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
