Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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