oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
