tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She's the barista slut.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
