..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
