Just cropdusted the office
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
