I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
