It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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