I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
