i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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