My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
