Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
