you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
