Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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