I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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